Saturday, December 24

When everyone else's dream is not your own



It can be difficult when your dreams don't match up with those of your peers or the people around you. It's important to remember that it's okay to be different and to strive for something that is uniquely yours. 


Don't be afraid to take the road less travelled and to follow your own path. You may find that it leads you to a place that is even more amazing than you ever imagined.



So what is stopping you?


The biggest thing stopping me is feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand. I'm trying to break it down into smaller steps that I can focus on one at a time, so that I can stay motivated and make progress.


And this has been most prevalent with the move that is coming up. Which is why I have been mentally exhausted and unable to write or even record my podcast when I know that I should. 


But I thought while in a bit of nomansland regarding it I thought what the heck. And thought that knowing and accepting that my dreams are different to everyone else would make a good post. 


Realising that my dreams are different.


In my last post a longer wait than I thought! I mentioned the situation and what's happening so I won't mention it again. 


But realising that my dream is not the same as everyone else is ok. 


There are people who have disabilities such as mine, cerebral palsy, and are able to get the dreams that most people aspire to but I never aspired to what was expected of me by my peers. 


Because of the uncertainty of what cerebral palsy does to the body as you get older. Each case and person is different. It is also not very well documented about the adults who have cerebral palsy as it is considered a childhood disability. 


Which is why I am here to show people how the condition affects people on a personal level as I age. I have written previously about what happens in a broad sense in the seasons and how they affect the body with cerebral palsy. And its series.


There is so much more!


There is so much more because everyone has a reason to be on this planet. 


I think I know that my reason is to be a voice for those who don't. And to help those who have family with the condition. But they feel that they don't understand what the condition is and how it affects us from a personal view. 


And that's part of my dream to be that voice and bridge between.


What next?


So although it is a quiet and stagnant time. Along with personal feelings of inadequacy and depression because of the situation I really wanted to write this post and be positive for the future.


For the future?


Well this at the moment is completely uncertain. And I can't plan ahead too much. That is doing my head in to a degree because I can't. Then again I know it is a lesson that I need to learn. So I am taking each day as it comes.


My hope!


Is that there will be some sort of stability after the holidays and that the home that I have will be the one. but if not then it's ok! Because nothing is truly final.


So what is next?


My aim is to continue writing about what is happening throughout this period. And beyond because that is my dream.


Sunday, December 18

A longer wait than I thought!



Why am I writing now?

The reason I am writing now is because there is a longer waiting period than I had thought or had hoped for. I wanted to explain why I haven't written for such a long time.

What has been happening?

I had thought we would have moved by now but that isn't the case. The local council has very limited housing and because the needs I have the number of homes are reduced even further. This has made things very stressful. I know that it's the right decision even though the timing is off in my opinion.


What's the plan?

For the next 6 - 8 weeks it is a waiting game. The reason is because of where we are now. Most of our stuff is packed up in boxes ready to go. We were to be leaving in late November. However, that did not happen. Then we had thought that maybe mid December like the previous one a couple of years ago but that's not happening either! Now we are not sure when exactly or where. Yet it will be within the next 6-8 weeks. This means that we are where we are for the holiday season. 

Feelings about it!


There's so many different types of feelings going on within me and the family as a whole. The feelings include the following.

  • Anger
  • Frustration 
  • Worry
  • Annoyance
  • Acception 
  • Excitement
  • Happiness

All of these feelings are felt all at once and individually. Throughout the day and sometimes at night. Meaning that I find it difficult to get to sleep.  

All of these feelings are normal, I know. Yet they can really disrupt me.

Why?

This is because they turn my attention to them rather than what I want to do, which is either writing, recording my radio show or spending time with the rest of the family.


The meantime!

During this time I won't be writing much if at all during this time as boxes are everywhere and making me unstable. So I am just sitting, watching TV, reading, listening to podcasts, audiobooks as well as slowly getting ready for the move. And doing lots of self development stuff as the cerebral palsy has many secondary problems. Some of them are mental health issues and others are physical problems that have occurred over time. These include for me the following:

  1. General anxiety disorder.
  2. Clinical depression.
  3. Panic attacks.
  4. Bone damage.
  5. Arthritis.
  6. Post impairment syndrome.
  7. Bone disfigurement.

Some of these have been life long and some of them have been arriving the older I get. These include:

  • Bone disfigurement
  • Arthritis 
  • Post impairment syndrome.


What does this mean?

For me this has meant that with the stress of everything regarding the move has meant that my moods and physical ability has been restricted as I have either been trying to help pack up again or felt so awful that I have not been able to do anything.

What's next?

So while I am staying relatively quiet except on Instagram @sweetestmoonuk where you can find me daily.


The new year ahead!

As we enter the new year, we have the opportunity to make it our best one yet. I'm sure we all have our own personal goals, but let'...