A lot has happened since. But here I am.
A different place. Older and wiser than before. New things are coming slow and steady. Other things keep dropping off. I have learnt a lot over the last few years. Knowing that life has always a way of doing things to change your plans no matter what you want. It's ok though. Learning is what life is all about. In some ways life has been harder but in others it hasn't.
You think life is going one way then it shows you a different route. Sometimes they lead to a completely different place and sometimes it might just be a loop or bump in the road that either speeds things up or slows it down.
What's next ? Who knows. All that can be done by me is being done and the rest is out of my jurisdiction. The wait can be a problem but the best thing is to channel energy into other things. I'm trying my best to do that very thing. Yet there are so many distractions. Some are welcome, others are not.
What is left to do? A bit of clearing out. Not much though! Everything I had asked for is coming even though there have been difficulties. Some have been huge and others small. They all have challenged me most definitely.
One of the things I have struggled with is patience. There's a saying ”patience is a virtue” and I know that it's one I wish I had. Especially when it's to do with things that are out of my control. Have you ever had those types of feelings? I know I have!
How do I deal with those feelings? That depends on what I'm wanting to be done by others. I know people probably think I should be doing everything. I can't however. It doesn't mean I don't want to. Just physically I can't.
You see, I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user. I used to do almost everything possible as a child and young adult. The older I have gotten, the less I have been able to do. There are many people who are like this. Not just me.
Frustration is forever changing because things I could do a year ago. Now I either struggle with it or can't do it anymore. And things change. And as a person either accept the change or become more maudlin and then depressed. It's never easy to accept things about yourself as a teen or young adult. And if something happens while getting older.
There is always the question “why me?” The question should actually be “why not me?” Or “what can I learn from the situation I'm in?” those questions are a better way.
Because there's always something you can learn. Sometimes you may not be the one who needs to learn something but you are the one who is there to teach someone else something.
Someone said that if you don't learn something the first time around then you are given multiple challenges until you learn what is required.
The two things that I have learnt in my life so far is acceptance and understanding. There are a few more things that I need to learn successfully. Such as listening, patience and the ability to stop worrying about things that are out of my control. Those things are not easy to do. I'm trying though.
What do I want for the rest of my life? I went through a phase of doing things that are not really me. They gave me a new set of skills which is great. I know that those skills are going to be useful, however I'm not ready to use them properly yet. I know I will just not now. But I am excited to be doing what I'm doing. Especially as this is something I love doing but have not felt quite good enough to do it again because of my disability and other life situations that I had no control over.
What is it that I can do for now? Obviously I need to do physio and gentle exercises but what can I do?
Well there's been a few things that have changed since the beginning of this. There has been a massive change in the sense of two different moves. One was a temporary move because where I had been was not really good for me. The other.
The other was the final. I'm finally settling into the new house but there's a few things that need to be done. And once they're done I'll feel more confident in the house. The other big change is the area of where I'm living.
It's a quaint village that has old buildings but the pavement is not really good enough for someone who is an ambulatory wheelchair user, or someone who is wheelchair bound. I need to go around on my scooter and get to know the area. However at the moment I'm stuck using a scooter which is totally not my type. Even if the colour is my favourite. Which means I'm stuck indoors until mine is repaired.
Luckily there's still some things that need to be done. Before having people around.
