Breaking the Silence: Depression, Anxiety, and My Absence

 Dearest Diary,

Please forgive my extended absence. Life has been… a lot lately. It feels like the waves have been crashing down relentlessly, and I've been struggling to keep my head above water. The truth is, both my mental and physical health have taken a significant hit these past few weeks (or has it been months? Time feels so distorted). Anxiety has become a constant companion, whispering doubts and fears that drain my energy and cloud my focus. My physical health hasn’t been much kinder, leaving me feeling like I’m running on empty most days.

I recently had my annual physiotherapy review, which is always an important milestone for me. It’s a reminder of the progress I’ve made and the challenges I continue to face. I’ll share more about it soon, but for now, I’m still processing the experience and what it means for my journey.

There have been days when simply getting out of bed felt like an insurmountable task. The thought of writing—of pouring my thoughts and feelings onto paper (or screen)—felt utterly overwhelming. The words just wouldn’t come, and when they did, they were tangled and heavy with negativity.

I know how important it is to prioritise self-care, but even that has felt difficult. Some days, I’ve managed a short walk using my walker, which always helps a little. 

The fresh air and movement remind me that I’m still capable, even when I feel fragile. Other days, I’ve curled up with a comforting book or watched a feel-good movie, seeking solace in stories that transport me away from my struggles.

Sleep has been both a refuge and a challenge. It’s one of my favourite things to do when I’m feeling low, but it’s also a reminder of how much my body needs rest to recover. Balancing this with the demands of running a family has been a delicate dance—one that often leaves me feeling like I’m falling short, even when I know I’m doing my best. But here’s the thing: resilience isn’t about never falling. It’s about finding the strength to get back up, even when the weight of the world feels unbearable. It’s about taking small steps forward, even when the path ahead is unclear. I’m hoping that by starting again, even if it’s just a few lines at a time, I can begin to find my way back to myself. Writing has always been a source of healing for me—a way to untangle the knots in my mind and rediscover the light within.

Reflections:

This journey has reminded me that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. There are storms, and it’s okay to take shelter and wait for them to pass. It’s OK to feel vulnerable, to rest, and to ask for help when you need it. Self-care isn’t always glamorous. Sometimes, it’s as simple as taking a deep breath, sipping a warm cup of tea, or allowing yourself to pause and just be. It’s about listening to your body and honouring what it needs, even when the world demands more.

Balancing family life with chronic health challenges is never easy, but it’s also a testament to the strength and love that binds us together. My family has been my anchor, reminding me that I’m not alone in this journey. To anyone reading this who feels like they’re struggling: know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to take things one step at a time, to celebrate the small wins, and to give yourself grace on the harder days. Thank you for listening, even when I’ve been silent. Your support means more than words can express, and I’m grateful to have this space to share my journey.

"This is just the beginning of some new changes here. I’m keeping things simple for now, but I look forward to growing and sharing more with you all in the New Year. Stay tuned!"

With love,

The beginning of the family

Dear Diary,

Today marked the beautiful beginning of our family of four! As I sat there, my heart overflowed with love and excitement. Becoming a new mum was an incredible journey, and with cerebral palsy, it added a unique layer of challenges and triumphs.

Embracing My Role as a New Mum

I had always dreamt of having a family, and welcoming our twins into the world felt magical. My training as a nursery assistant armed me with a treasure trove of childcare knowledge, which was invaluable in those early days of motherhood. Yet, cerebral palsy meant I needed a little extra help with certain tasks, like carrying the twins and managing some household chores.

Building Our Support Network

The beginning of our family of four could have been overwhelming without our incredible support network. I was so grateful for the national charity, Home-Start. They had been a pillar of strength, providing guidance and practical help. With their support, I could focus on nurturing our little ones. Plus, the help from local college trainees had been a game-changer. Their energy and enthusiasm were both reassuring and inspiring.

Juggling Life with Twins

Life with twins was a delightful mix of chaos and joy. Each day brought new adventures and lessons about them—and myself. Our daily routine looked something like this:

• Morning: We started with feeding, diaper changes, and cherished morning cuddles.

• Afternoon: Playtime was a highlight, filled with giggles and exploration.

• Evening: With our support team, we managed dinner prep and bedtime routines smoothly.

Looking to the Future

As I embraced this new chapter, I was filled with hope and determination. The journey wasn't always easy, but the love and support around us made every challenge worthwhile.

Questions to Ponder:

• How can communities better support families with unique needs?

• What role does empathy play in building inclusive support networks?

• How can individuals with disabilities advocate for themselves in parenting roles?

Reflecting on these questions, I was grateful for the foundation we built and excited for the adventures ahead. Our family was just beginning, and I couldn't wait to see where this journey took us.

Love

Sweetestmoondust