Wednesday, February 16
Sunday, February 13
The last year has been another crazy one
Similarly to 2020, 2021 was a bit of a crazy one with the pandemic causing havoc to everyone in some way or another. Too many lives have been changed by this in unimaginable ways.
Businesses have had to change their ways in how they run. However, I’m not here to talk about the way they were changed. But how the pandemic affected me in the last year.
We had just come out of one lockdown and managed to move house just before the beginning of the new year. I wrote about this in a couple of posts such as and had been trying to extend my movement because we are in a bigger place. The change although good, on the whole, threw some unexpected challenges my way. These were that although my body liked the extra space it was not used to it. It took me a year for my mind to accept the change in the environment. As my body had been in a state of anxiety because of where we were before. So has only got used to it and now things will be changing at the end of 2022. Right now though that is up in the air.
This was a month of settling down and hoping to follow our dreams to a certain point. We were still in a lockdown so nothing had changed for me as I was again housebound. And February is the middle of winter it is the time when I go out the least in any case. So in that respect, I barely left the house. It was also a time to start the mental change for the hope of following the dreams we had and recuperating mentally from the stress of the move and Christmas.
So this was a month of waiting to find out if we could follow our dreams. So were quite stressed. The kids also were meant to be going back to school because it was deemed best they went back. Rather than homeschooling. But because they are young carers for me, it was decided that one of them should go back earlier due to their mental health.
The last few months for me nothíng had changed for me with the exception that I was to see the people who help me be a more human person in my eyes as salons were slowly opening up.
This was a simple month as it was just a month that was just getting things done while waiting for an answer from the people who held our dreams in their hands. My cp over the last few months had been stable and we just spent time being together and I was writing my posts for this blog and finding that my provider was not as good as I thought it was. But struggled on
This quarter may sound like the year was just a simple time of living and being while going through the year and life
Wednesday, February 9
Sunday, February 6
You're in your 40s and cp are throwing spanners in the works:
Ok, so you notice things are getting harder and you are more and more frustrated. I get it. I’m going through this stage of life right now and get what you are going through.
What happened for me to begin with
Life was pretty good to start with. The kids were off to school and I was in control of what was happening around me. Yet I could tell that things were going wrong within me. Not chemically but physically. It was the little things that I was losing control of, such as putting my shoes and socks on or crossing my legs at the knee.
Those Feelings kicked in again!
As I mentioned in previous posts such as The feelings of frustration, and despair because of the way things are with my body I felt that I was losing control of everything around me. This included the feeling of not being a good mum because of the inability of being able to do something that I perceive that the average mum can do. And some of the things that I couldn’t do. Sometimes it is frustrating that the children wouldn’t do the chores that I asked them to do. And they were chores I can’t do anymore. You may say what about asking your partner to help. Yes, I did and do but just sometimes it is the feeling of loss of independence. It can be the realisation that says in 10years time the brain damage that is consistent changes something else that you thought you wouldn’t necessarily lose but lose anyway.
What I did
I did what most mums would do which was to nag the kids to help but this didn’t work. Because as the kids got older they became more and more independent and didn’t want and still don’t as I write this. But I have to realise they are teens right now and don’t want to do anything that their parent wants them to do. And that is normal!
How I counteract those feelings:
When I first noticed that things were going awry I said to my hubby I thought I needed to go back on medications and so I went back to my doctor and went back on medication. And I’m not sure if I will ever come off them as anything can trigger an episode. And when I have been off them by mistake I acted like a completely wild animal with my anger and frustration. My kids have politely asked me to never come off them.
I also got another case of counselling and in this round, I had CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Which I do use almost daily. Because there are things that can trigger an event that causes that to arrive. But that is diminishing slowly.
So I have said what I used to help myself in my moods in this post and the posts before I mention the different types of ways of getting help for yourself as an adult and to aid children who have cerebral palsy to learn how to deal with their condition as they get older.
But it is up to you how you help yourself or the person you care for.
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