When everyone else's dream is not your own

It can be difficult when your dreams don't match up with those of your peers or the people around you. It's important to remember that it's okay to be different and to strive for something that is uniquely yours. 

Don't be afraid to take the road less travelled and to follow your own path. You may find that it leads you to a place that is even more amazing than you ever imagined.

So what is stopping you?

The biggest thing stopping me is feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand. I'm trying to break it down into smaller steps that I can focus on one at a time, so that I can stay motivated and make progress.

And this has been most prevalent with the move that is coming up. Which is why I have been mentally exhausted and unable to write or even record my podcast when I know that I should. 

But I thought while in a bit of nomansland regarding it I thought what the heck. And thought that knowing and accepting that my dreams are different to everyone else would make a good post. 

Realising that my dreams are different.

In my last post a longer wait than I thought! I mentioned the situation and what's happening so I won't mention it again. 

But realising that my dream is not the same as everyone else is ok. 

There are people who have disabilities such as mine, cerebral palsy, and are able to get the dreams that most people aspire to but I never aspired to what was expected of me by my peers. 

Because of the uncertainty of what cerebral palsy does to the body as you get older. Each case and person is different. It is also not very well documented about the adults who have cerebral palsy as it is considered a childhood disability. 

Which is why I am here to show people how the condition affects people on a personal level as I age. I have written previously about what happens in a broad sense in the seasons and how they affect the body with cerebral palsy. And its series.

There is so much more!

There is so much more because everyone has a reason to be on this planet. 

I think I know that my reason is to be a voice for those who don't. And to help those who have family with the condition. But they feel that they don't understand what the condition is and how it affects us from a personal view. 

And that's part of my dream to be that voice and bridge between.

What next?

So although it is a quiet and stagnant time. Along with personal feelings of inadequacy and depression because of the situation I really wanted to write this post and be positive for the future.

For the future?

Well this at the moment is completely uncertain. And I can't plan ahead too much. That is doing my head in to a degree because I can't. Then again I know it is a lesson that I need to learn. So I am taking each day as it comes.

My hope!

Is that there will be some sort of stability after the holidays and that the home that I have will be the one. but if not then it's ok! Because nothing is truly final.

So what is next?

My aim is to continue writing about what is happening throughout this period. And beyond because that is my dream.

A longer wait than I thought!

Why am I writing now?

The reason I am writing now is because there is a longer waiting period than I had thought or had hoped for. I wanted to explain why I haven't written for such a long time.

What has been happening?

I had thought we would have moved by now but that isn't the case. The local council has very limited housing and because the needs I have the number of homes are reduced even further. This has made things very stressful. I know that it's the right decision even though the timing is off in my opinion.

What's the plan?

For the next 6 - 8 weeks it is a waiting game. The reason is because of where we are now. Most of our stuff is packed up in boxes ready to go. We were to be leaving in late November. However, that did not happen. Then we had thought that maybe mid December like the previous one a couple of years ago but that's not happening either! Now we are not sure when exactly or where. Yet it will be within the next 6-8 weeks. This means that we are where we are for the holiday season. 

Feelings about it!

There's so many different types of feelings going on within me and the family as a whole. The feelings include the following.

• Anger
• Frustration 
• Worry
• Annoyance
• Acception 
• Excitement
• Happiness

All of these feelings are felt all at once and individually. Throughout the day and sometimes at night. Meaning that I find it difficult to get to sleep.  

All of these feelings are normal, I know. Yet they can really disrupt me.

Why?

This is because they turn my attention to them rather than what I want to do, which is either writing, recording my radio show or spending time with the rest of the family.

The meantime!

During this time I won't be writing much if at all during this time as boxes are everywhere and making me unstable. So I am just sitting, watching TV, reading, listening to podcasts, audiobooks as well as slowly getting ready for the move. And doing lots of self development stuff as the cerebral palsy has many secondary problems. Some of them are mental health issues and others are physical problems that have occurred over time. These include for me the following:

1. General anxiety disorder.
2. Clinical depression.
3. Panic attacks.
4. Bone damage.
5. Arthritis.
6. Post impairment syndrome.
7. Bone disfigurement.

Some of these have been life long and some of them have been arriving the older I get. These include:

• Bone disfigurement
• Arthritis 
• Post impairment syndrome.

What does this mean?

For me this has meant that with the stress of everything regarding the move has meant that my moods and physical ability has been restricted as I have either been trying to help pack up again or felt so awful that I have not been able to do anything.

What's next?

So while I am staying relatively quiet except on Instagram @sweetestmoonuk where you can find me daily.

More of the same craziness - with moving again!

 Things are a bit difficult at the minute. I'm writing this because of how things are. I'm thinking things through slowly. I've struggled with what's going on recently. We've got a date to move. And It's made it harder to think straight about anything.

We are doing the best we can at the moment as a family, but we're not doing brilliantly. I've wanted to write. I haven't bothered because I've not felt like it. Doing it by audio is the only way I think I'm going to be able to do it for a while and just everything through to make my blog post for now. 

Because of the way, the way messes are at the moment, with getting ready for the move. Which is possibly at the end of November.  I'm looking to get things ready but it's not brilliant. I felt so low with my cerebral palsy and frustrated because I couldn't do things. Which has contributed to my moods and lack of energy to think or even things I love.

Other people are not being as helpful as they could be. So yes, it could be better. It's difficult to do anything else because of the way things are. I want to make things easily doable for me at the moment. Things like having to think about how I'm writing everything through. 

Hopefully, when things are confirmed, I'll be able to do more writing for my blog. So as I have said, I'm using Instagram, having fun with that and trying to be positive. I am waiting for what's out of my control because of the changes with cerebral palsy, along with the things that are going on for the move.

Whoops it's been a while!

It's been a while since I wrote and did anything. Lots of things have been happening around me mentally and physically. I haven't been able to focus.

Lots of things are still going on at the moment. I’m going to have to keep this an explanatory blog post and audio. Because of the way things are at the moment.

I don't know how much longer they will be with all this going on, but I am doing little things through Instagram. You can catch me there. Also the occasional tweet. Those are the two programs that I use the most. You can always get me o

there.

It's been a bit difficult at the moment. I am trying to decide what's most important. I do want to do what I've been doing since 2015. A lot of things have sort of thrown a spanner in the works. And my plans haven't been able to be put into place because of what was going on.

2I'm in the middle of doing one thing that needs to be done right after Christmas time.

We just have to wait and see what happens next and then I want to move forward. Half this year has been rather tangential. I think. It will be for the rest of the year. Though I will tweet, Instagram, and Facebook as much as I can. Things have gotten out of my control. I can't do what I want to do right now. So is frustrating.

My health also hasn't been particularly brilliant, so that has needed to come into play and is more important than anything else.

I've been advertising, the things I've been doing very to a game again. Mainly so you can catch me there. As I said but you're gonna see a lot more of me writing next year.

Please excuse the yawn. It's been rather hot recently, I will get back to you soon.

xxx

Right now!

Hey!

I have been reticent recently regarding writing and doing my podcast episodes. This post is all about that.

Another apology!

Things have been erratic with me since having COVID last month. I have also been feeling a bit anxious and worried about things as I still haven't had an answer for something. My mind has been on that lately. Which hasn't been exactly what I wanted. Writing this post has helped me feel a bit better. However, I'm unclear in what direction I want this blog and podcast to go right now so while I'm thinking things through I will write when I can

The options!

The options are as follows!

1. Stay the same.

2. Change direction.

3. Only do 1of the things.

4. Stop completely.

There is one thing I don't think I can do is give it all up as I feel that explaining cerebral palsy and endometriosis and how it affects my life. Can be an insight for others and a solace for those of us who have either condition or even both. Yet I am uncertain what step to choose. 

Option 1:

This one I'm not sure about as there are so many different things such as make-up, skincare, books, music, food, and tech. Also suffering from anxiety and depression are other options. Just to write about the conditions although helpful wouldn't be as interesting for the reader.

Option 2:

This option I'm not sure about as I am not sure what direction I would take the blog and podcast unless I focus on one of the other topics I already mentioned.

 

Option 3:

This option would be just to write about one of the 2 main topics such as cerebral palsy or endometriosis. I think though this might be an idea again it may be a bit boring.

Outcome:

By writing this post I think that I will stick with incorporating everything to show that we are just the same as anyone else.

Your ideas:

However, I really would appreciate your feedback. So please leave your comments below.